Motherly love

Well, here I am. Can’t say I love this, but I did what it had to be done. You shouldn’t judge me, I bet that you would have done just the same if you were in my situation. And if you wouldn’t have done it, then that means that I’m just braver than you. It takes courage to do something like this. To give up your masculinity, your gender, and your whole identity and to take on your back the miraculous burden of maternity.

I know that it may seem a lot to go through. Hell, it is a lot to go through! But you have to understand me, we were desperate. When the doctors told us that my wife would have never been able to give birth we were shattered, completely destroyed by that news. We tried to go on with our lives despite of that, but we just couldn’t. Our whole marriage was at stake and my wife almost got depression. Something had to be done. So we took desperate measures.

It is incredible what you become willing to believe in when you are desperate. Silly things like magic and sorcery become immediately a lot more plausible when you have nothing else left. And when that witch offered us her help we accepted it. Everything to have a kid. But in order to get what we wanted, I had to give up my manhood. That’s right, in order for us to achieve our dream of having a child, I should have become the mother. Maybe you can imagine the million thoughts that went through my head when I heard what the conditions were. Disbelief, denial, anger, you name it. I doubt it exists someone who can just accept something like that easily, and I won’t lie, many times I thought of leaving my wife to avoid that. But in the end I realized that if that was the only way, it was my duty to do so. I admit that I was very happy when my wife decided to transform as well, in order to share my burden as much as she could. Plus that way she could have been the father, instead of relying on sperm donation for our kid. So we sealed the deal with the witch, I became a woman, and my wife became my husband.

I can’t put in words how incredible it was when we made love for the first time, how strange it felt when she shoot her load inside of my womb, knowing that that may have been the seed of a future life that would have grown inside of me. And to this day I can’t describe how incredible it feels to have a little creature moving inside my belly. There’s something alive inside of me. It is magical. Only who has already been through it can understand. So yeah, you can’t judge me for what I have done. You can’t understand what I have and currently am going through. Or maybe you can? Not literally maybe, but perhaps you can empathize with me, understand why I did what I’ve done. And maybe, as I keep thinking about the baby kicking and moving inside of me, about the day I will eventually give birth to him, about all the love and affection I want to give him, maybe you can understand why the more the time passes, the more I don’t want to ever give up my new life and be a mother and a wife for the rest of my life.